A third grade Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the Ten Commandments, and she asked the kids, “What is the hardest commandment for you to keep?” She was shocked when some of them responded, “Thou shall not commit adultery.” She thought, “How in the world could third graders struggle with that one?” She said, “You’ve committed adultery?” They said, “Oh yeah, a bunch of times.” “With who?” “With the teachers at school, the lunch room lady, my baseball coach, the baby sitter, my parents.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, until she thought to ask, “What do think, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’ means?” They said, “Thou shall not sass back to adults.”

It’s too bad that’s not what adultery means, because if it did this lesson would be a more comfortable one to give. But adultery means sex, in which at least one of those involved is the spouse of another.

And what God’s word has to say about it is unwelcome in our culture, because in our culture adultery is prevalent and often justified when one has fallen out of love with their spouse, or if their spouse is not being a good spouse.

Why is God against adultery?

Some think that God and Scripture are just anti-sexual passion, that the God of the Bible just doesn’t want people experiencing much sensual pleasure. But nothing could be further from the truth. You know, sex was God’s invention. And the capacity for that pleasure is a gift God gave us to enjoy in marriage. In fact, there’s an entire book of the Bible that describes and celebrates the physical love and sensual pleasure of a bride and groom: the Song of Solomon. So God is not against adultery because He’s a killjoy.

One of the reasons He’s against adultery is because He is for strong stable lifelong marriages, which adultery destroys. And God is for stable lifelong marriage because He knows far better than we do about what’s best for us, our kids and all of society.

We all know that kids generally grow up better, healthier, stronger, happier when they grow up in a stable family with a mom and a dad.

It is in relationships that we learn to be unselfish, how to listen and communicate, be humble, patient, kind and compassionate. And no relationship has a greater impact in that regard than one with someone very different from you, that you have committed to never give up on, through thick and thin, through all of life, and you strive and strive to make it work. You learn a lot in the process. Marriage is a long term course in character formation and God doesn’t want us to drop out of the course and miss the benefits of keeping our marriage vows.

And I’m sure we could think of many other good reasons God has to be against adultery.

Now, I’d like to do mainly two things in this lesson. First, briefly look at one of the things Jesus said about adultery in the Sermon on the Mount. And then look at a true story of adultery that God has preserved for us in the Scriptures for our learning.

Jesus’ elaboration on adultery (Matthew 5:27-32)

So I want you to first look with me at Matthew 5. Let me first point out something about the context. When Jesus speaks about adultery here, He is elaborating the statement He made in Matthew 5:20, “For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” There’s a level of righteousness, a level of obedience to God that God requires of His people who are going to be in His kingdom. And that level of righteousness, it’s not perfection or that we never fall short, but it’s a higher level of righteousness than that of the Scribes and Pharisees. The Pharisees were like a strict denomination of Judaism, they were very religious and kept a lot of rules, but they were very prideful and missed the heart of what God was really concerned about. So with many examples Jesus contrasts the righteousness of the Scribes and the Pharisees, which doesn’t cut it, with the righteousness that God requires.

And He begins to address the matter of adultery at 5:27. He says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent [or to lust after her] has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In other words, Jesus is saying that you don’t actually have to “round all the bases” physically with someone other than your spouse to be guilty of adultery in the eyes of God. You don’t even have to go to first base. To gaze at someone other than your spouse to lust, to fantasize, to entertain imaginations of intimacy with them, is to commit adultery in your heart. Today there’s lots of adultery taking place when people are by themselves with a computer or a television or magazines or a smart phone. There’s lots of adultery that happens in public places. Jesus was making clear that God is not just concerned with how we are on the outside. He looks at our hearts. Earlier in the sermon in the beatitudes He said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Then in verses 29-30, Jesus addresses how serious it is that we not continue in sin that we know of (including mental adultery), and to what extremes we should be willing to go to put an end to our sinful habits. Jesus said, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” I don’t believe He’s advocating literal amputation and plucking out eyeballs. There’s probably other things you could cut off from your life that would keep you from continuing in your sinful habit. But what Jesus says is literally true, that it would be better to gouge out your eye or cut off your hand, to go through that pain and be disadvantaged in that way the rest of your life, than it would be to keep your whole body intact, but go on willfully sinning and go to hell, from which you will never escape. He is saying whatever it takes, no matter the pain or cost, to end sinful habits you know of in your life, you need to do that. Do you need to get rid of your computer? Do you need to trade your smart phone for a dumb phone? Do you need to end a relationship with that woman or that man? Do you need to quit hanging out with those particular friends because of how they influence you? Do you need to cut off your pride, confess to your spouse or a Christian brother or sister who will hold you accountable? Whatever it takes, do it. Because God doesn’t just ask that we repent of our sins, He demands it. He requires it if we’re going to be in His kingdom. It doesn’t mean we have to be perfect people who never slip up. But it means we cannot go on willfully sinning. We strive wholehearted with His enabling to live our lives pleasing to Him.

There’s a little animal I’ve read about, a species of weasel in northern Europe and Canada and some places here in the northern United States, called the ermine (ur-men) that has snowy white fur. The most unusual characteristic of this animal is its hatred of anything that might soil its fur. And it will do anything, I hear, to keep its beautiful coat clean. In fact, when hunters find an ermine’s den, they dab the entrance with tar or other filth, then use their dogs to track the animal and chase it back to its den. When the ermine sees the tar and filth, rather than entering its den of safety and soiling its fur, it turns and faces the dogs. Then, while the dogs hold it at bay, the hunters are able to trap it. To the ermine, purity is dearer than life, and it should be to us as well. This life is a blink of the eye compared to eternity. And none of us are getting out of here alive anyway. What matters is that we leave this world devoted to Christ and the purity He’s called us to live in.

So Jesus’ words show that the majority of us, if not all of us, myself included, even if we haven’t been physically intimate with someone we’re not married to, have had a problem with adultery. And God requires that we go that way no longer.

Now, let consider a story God’s preserved for us. You can read the account in II Samuel 11-12.

The Story of David’s Adultery

It was around 1000 B.C. It was the spring time when kings and their armies would go out to battle. The men of Israel were out at war with the Ammonites. Normally king David would be out with his army, leading them, helping them against the enemies of Israel. But this time David decided, for once, to enjoy the benefits of being a powerful king. He sent his military to take care of things while he stayed home in Jerusalem. One afternoon he took a nap, then awoke, and walked around a bit on the roof of his house.

Maybe he first heard the sound of water and a woman humming to herself. He looked to see, and did not expect what he saw. It caught him off guard. II Samuel 11:2 says, “he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful.” He was at that moment on the edge of a slippery cliff. And he did not perceive how slippery and how steep and far down that cliff was. David’s decision at that moment began a downfall in his life, like he never imagined could happen. David was the man after God’s own heart. He’d been so faithful to God for many years. He was leading Israel in righteousness and love for God. By this time He had written many of the beautiful Psalms that we have today; his praise and adoration of God. But you know, sometimes professional carpenters who have worked with saws and wood for many years, have been known to get overconfident and careless and get their fingers caught in the table saw. And sometimes experienced mountain climbers have been known to get overconfident and careless, and slip and fall to their death. I think the same can happen spiritually.

David flirted with temptation. He decided not to look away from the woman. David decided to watch her and allowed lustful imaginations to fill his mind. Adultery, as far as God is concerned, began at that moment. Watching and fantasizing led to wondering, “Maybe she’s available. Maybe I could have her as a wife.” So David inquired about the woman from his servants. They told him her name is Bathsheba, and she’s the wife of Uriah the Hittite. David knew her husband well. He was one of David’s mighty men, one of his top soldiers who was away at war at the time. But lust affects your mind. It clouds the reasons against what you want to do and gets your mind to work at justifying what you want to do. I can imagine David thinking, “Nobody would know. Her husband is not coming come for a long while. She likely wanted to attract me, that’s why she was bathing near my house. God is forgiving. I know I could find forgiveness afterward. It would only be one time. Nobody would be hurt.”

The text doesn’t give us many details. In brief summary terms, it states what happened. It says he sent messengers to get her. She came. And he laid with her. It’s doesn’t say it was rape. I think it would have if it was. I suspect she consented, though maybe she was too afraid to resist because he is the king. Or maybe she was flattered at his desire for her and welcomed his approach. I think it would be unrealistic to say that there was no pleasure in this encounter between David and Bathsheba. Scripture admits the pleasure and enjoyment of sin, but draws our attention to the momentary nature of the enjoyment.  Hebrews 11:25 calls it “the fleeting pleasures of sin.” And Hebrews 3 mentions the deceitfulness of sin; how sin never comes with an honest price tag. Sin is like the bait on a hook to a fish, all the fish sees is the delicious grub hanging in front of its face, it does not perceive the hook, the piercing of the hook or the pain of being pulled where it doesn’t want to go. David took the bait and a few weeks later, discovered the hook.

Bathsheba sent word to David, “I’m pregnant.” And then sin seems to take this snowball effect. David could not bear the thought of word getting out that he impregnated another man’s wife, especially the wife of one of his loyal soldiers. He acted quickly to cover his tracks. He sent for Bathsheba’s husband Uriah from the battlefield. His single goal was to get Uriah between the sheets with his wife so that her pregnancy would appear to be Uriah’s.

Uriah arrives. I can just imagine how it went, “Uriah my friend, thank you for coming so quickly. I was just anxious to know how things were going in the battle. How’s the morale of the troops? What’s general Joab’s strategy at this point?” … “Oh. Good, good. Glad to hear it. Thank you, Uriah. And thank you for your many years of loyal service. Before you head back to the field, why don’t you go on home and spend a little time with your wife (wink, wink). Enjoy the evening together. You’re dismissed.”

But Uriah was a man of character. He chose not to go home, but to just sleep at the entrance of David’s house that night, where David’s servants slept. The next day people told David, “You know, Uriah slept outside your house last night.” So David asked Uriah, “Why didn’t you go home?” His answer highlights where David began to go wrong that spring. Uriah said, “How could I go to my house and eat and drink and enjoy my wife when the ark of God and all my friends and comrades are camping out in the field?” What a subtle reproof to David, whose men were in the field but he had been enjoying not just the comfort of his own house and wives, but even another man’s wife.

David was starting to panic, I’m sure. That evening he made Uriah drink and drink, thinking if he’s drunk maybe he’ll compromise and go spend a night with his wife. But Uriah would not.

More panic and desperation set in. David wrote a note to Joab, the commander of his army, with orders that Uriah be placed in the front line where the battle is fiercest, then withdraw all support from him so that he will be killed in battle. That way David could take Bathsheba as his wife before her pregnancy was showing and perhaps save his reputation. He sealed up the letter and placed it in the hands of Uriah to deliver. General Joab did as ordered. Soon news came back to Jerusalem that soldiers had been killed including Uriah. David gave Bathsheba a brief time to mourn for her husband and then took her to be his wife. So he’d managed to sort of cover his tracks, but I’m sure many were suspicious at how quickly David took her as his wife, and at how quickly her pregnancy was showing after their marriage.

But David did not return to being at peace and enjoying life. He knew that God knew, and he was a wreck inside. In Psalm 32, David describes how miserable he was when he was concealing his sin; how his conscious tormented him, and how he was even physically sick and weak (which can frequently be a consequence of sin too).

But in God’s amazing mercy, God worked to restore His relationship with David. When Bathsheba gave birth, God sent a prophet named Nathan. Nathan’s message to David began with a story about two men. One man was very rich, possessing many flocks and herds. The other was poor, owning nothing but one little ewe lamb which he loved and cherished as a daughter. The poor man would share his bread with this lamb and let it drink out of his cup. It would sleep in his arms. The rich man was visited by a guest and wanted to provide a meal for his guest, but he didn’t want to take from his own flocks or herds for the meal. So he stole the poor man’s little ewe lamb, slaughtered it and used it to feed his guest.

Without seeing the connection to himself, David’s anger burned. He said, “That man deserves to die! As the Lord lives, he shall repay that poor man fourfold.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the LORD, ‘I anointed you king over Israel. I protected you from Saul. I gave you your house and your wives and the kingdom, everything. And I would have given you more. Why you have despised My word and done this evil? You stole what a poor man cherished most and then you went further than the rich man in the parable. You killed the poor man. Now here’s what’s going to happen. As you killed Uriah with the sword of the Ammonites, the sword will never depart from your house. There’s going to be violence in your family the rest of your life. Members of your own household will rise up against you. As you laid with another man’s wife, one’s going to lie with your wives. You did it in secret. He will do it for all Israel to know.”

Fortunately for David, he didn’t defend himself. He didn’t blame it on Bathsheba or anyone else. He didn’t excuse his actions or try to minimize how evil it was. In sincere regret and repentance, he said, “I have sinned against the LORD.”

The prophet Nathan then said the most amazing thing on God’s behalf. He said, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You shall not die. Nevertheless, there will be all these consequences, and you don’t get to keep the child that Bathsheba has born. The child is going to die. God is taking the child.” David experienced God’s discipline for his sin the rest of his life. But his relationship with God was restored, he was forgiven and his heart cleaned, and he found the joy of God’s favor again.

I don’t know about you, but I have mixed emotions when I consider that story. I’m so encouraged at God’s grace and how failure is never final.

Failure never has to be final with God as long as we live.

No matter how bad we fail, how far we’ve gone, if we will own it with sincere repentance, like David, God will forgive, and we shall not die in the eternal sense. But we will have eternal life.

Proverbs 28:13, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

But it’s also sort of a scary story, because it’s David, the man after God’s own heart. So we have to never let our guard down.

And I want to say if anyone here is struggling with sin of a sexual nature, maybe mental adultery, viewing stuff you shouldn’t, know that many others of us here have struggled also, and many of us have found freedom from that slavery and from the guilt and shame that go with it. I would love to help you. I will not judge you. I have been there. I get it. I love to share what I’ve learned that’s helped me, and pray for you. I believe James 5:16 is a recipe for freedom and healing for many. It says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” God’s word calls us to do that for one another. So you are welcome to talk to me in private or give me a call if you like. I’m available.

Or if we can help you somehow in a public way, it doesn’t have to be related to the lesson this morning. If we can pray for you about something or if you would like to publicly give your life to the Lord or make anything right or known, you’re welcome to come forward.

-James Williams